What Is Your Marriage Worth And Should You Save Your Marriage?
Posted: Wednesday, October 28, 2009
by William Farrand
Not An Easy Question To Ask
What is a marriage worth? Is it really worth it to save your marriage? I've been a relationship coach for 30+ years and a Marriage Encounter presenter for more than 10 years. I've encountered hundreds of couples at various stages of marriage health, and this question is often asked by the ones that are most desperate. I remember one husband in particular saying, "Fix my marriage or help me get out of it!" Maybe this is you. This article then is for you. Keep your mind open and let's have an honest look at how things are.
1. Do you believe the problems you are presently facing can be solved or are you trying to escape the challenges simply by quitting?
2. Have you given up on working out your problems together?
3. Is communication for you a series of emotional outbursts?
4. Have you tried a marriage counselor or relationship coach?
5. Do you forgive each other often?
6. Have you looked at other couples having similar problems and investigated their solutions?
7. What are you doing to improve your intimacy?
8. Do you look for the positives in your marriage?
9. Think about when things were going smoothly. Were you doing anything differently that you're not doing now? What has changed?
10. If you have kids, how will a divorce affect them?
Before Calling It Quits, Do All That You Can
From experience, I can tell you a divorce is actually worse than death. In death, the person passes on. In a divorce, the former spouse is with you and the questions of what could or should have been constantly linger, especially when kids are involved.
In that check list of questions I offered, can you honestly say you seriously considered every one and did all you could to improve the health of your marriage before calling it quits? At the end of one Marriage Encounter weekend, a couple walked up to me and said,
"Here's a check for $5,000 to use for your organization. It was the money we were saving to spend on our divorce."
The presentation that weekend was on how to share your feelings and communicate well. During the 44 hours we were together, the couple had discovered that they really could communicate about the deepest needs of their marriage. With only that one discovery, they decided not to get a divorce. How many other discoveries are there... how many different areas of marriage could you encounter to bring about good marriage health?
Is My Marriage Worth Saving?
Only you can answer that question. From what I know, most couples getting divorced have never worked through or were unwilling to go through what was needed to improve their marriage health. A good marriage is a commitment to the hard work of good marriage health from both the husband and the wife. If one spouse is unwilling, go to a relationship coach or marriage counselor to help diagnose the present issues and help you understand what it would take to save your marriage. After that's done you will have a better understanding of your own willingness to "love, honor, and cherish, as long as you both shall live."
I believe every marriage can be saved, and that strong marriage health can be yours. That's what I believe. Do you? Could You?
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